“When you don’t give yourself permission to rest,
your body will eventually force you to take a break,
often in the form of illness or exhaustion.”
~ Dr. Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion:
The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself
Note: You can also read Dr. Mara’s blog on Medium.
Some of you might remember the blog I wrote during the pandemic about my broken arm and the lessons I learned from it: to slow down when my body gives signals requesting it, lest I be forced to take a break. During the early spring of 2021, I was working quite a bit, since I was now able to work remotely from home. I worked so much that I became exhausted, and I rarely took breaks. In an extreme state of fatigue one day, I lost my footing in my kitchen and fell. I suffered a break in the humerus bone of my right arm. I learned very quickly that the humerus, located in the upper arm, controls the entire arm, and there is no way to cast that bone, so that I had to wear a sling while mindfully keeping it from moving for three weeks to prevent the two parts of the broken bone from slipping out of place and healing in the wrong position. Given that I’m right-handed, a break of this bone was not at all humorous, in spite of the name. Unable to work at my computer, I begrudgingly had a period to rest and heal.
From that dramatic event, I thought I learned a lesson about slowing down, having self-compassion, and avoiding the consequences of prolonged stress. I wish I had been reading my blog, Listening to My Broken Arm: The Universe Will Stop Us in Our Tracks When We Are Out of Balance, to remind myself that my body will force me to pay attention if I keep ignoring the signs telling me it’s time to pause and calm my stress.
Apparently, I needed a refresher course…
…Because, now I’m healing from another dramatic event with a similar lesson. I woke up one morning a few weeks ago, only to double over in pain, sweating profusely, and nearly going to the Emergency Room, as I felt as though I was having a gall bladder attack, or, at least, what I imagined how such an attack would feel. But, as the discomfort subsided, it became clear that the origin was the upper left side of my back. The pain was familiar, similar to what I experienced following an injury from a car accident twenty-five years ago. At that time, I was told by a chiropractor that a misaligned rib was pressing on a nerve that went to my gut and caused a flood of acid to be released. I quickly made an appointment to see a chiropractor, and the next day, she informed me that the “nerve” that was irritated was, in fact, the vagus nerve.
The Vagus Nerve and the Fight or Flight Response
My ears perked up. I know about the stress response and that it’s the vagus nerve, which, when activated, initiates the fight-or-flight response. Stress hormones, such as cortisol and adrenaline, are released, causing all those feelings one might have when faced with danger or when experiencing severe anxiety. And when the irritation is chronic, it can disrupt the balance between stress and relaxation, making it harder to calm down after experiencing something stressful. In addition, the repeated activation of the vagus nerve will also cause the physical symptoms I’ve been experiencing, increased pain and acid reflux. And it can even lower the immune functioning. I find some irony in this, the physical issue directly triggering the stress reaction, when it was actually stress that got me here in the first place.
For the past couple of months, I’d been feeling quite a bit of tension about the news in the country and in the world, as well as sensing the need to work extra hours in order to prepare for any possible changes in my workload because of national issues. When I’m tense, I usually feel it in my upper back and shoulders, my stress zones. And the discomfort was gradually increasing from a dull ache to more pain along with nausea, and then eventually mimicking a gall bladder attack. This stress caused the tension in my back, which pulled my spine, weakened by a past injury, out of alignment. In turn, the pressure on my vagus nerve increased the irritation of that nerve. The domino effect continued with gastrointestinal pain, that pushed me even further into the stress response.
This relationship, supported by scientific research, between pain, stress, and the irritation of the vagus nerve loops around to cause more pain. And I can tell you that, this experience sure has brought this connection into sharp focus for me in my one-person unintentional experiment … where I am the subject.
Recovering Through Mind – Body Practices
I’m happy to tell you that I’m feeling quite a bit better since this first occurred, although I’m still working on my recovery. I’m approaching relief for my back pain through treatments such as chiropractic care, physical therapy, and acupuncture, as well as gentle stretching and moving mindfully to relieve muscle tension. This has calmed my irritated vagus nerve, which is a necessary step in interrupting the pain and stress loop.
Here are some of the ways I’ve found to calm my vagus nerve:
Breathwork. Breathe in to the count of 4 and breathing out to the count of 6 (or more), then repeating this two more times. This type of breathing has an instant effect of resetting the nervous system and, more specifically, that part of the nervous system controlled by the vagus nerve – the parasympathetic nervous system. Here’s a helpful resource by Dr. Andrew Huberman to support deep relaxation: Youtube – Non-Sleep Deep Rest (NSDR).
Humming. The vibration caused by humming, singing, or chanting has been found to calm the vagus nerve. I’ve even combined this with the breathing technique, humming on the long out-breath.
Take frequent breaks. Pausing in the middle of a busy day, to stretch my back, reduces any stress I might be feeling at the moment and prevents build-up of stress. Doing something relaxing during those breaks rather than scrolling on social media works best for me. Sometimes, I only have time for a short break, but breathing and stretching can be quite powerful, even for just a few minutes. And when I have time to take a longer break, I might go for a walk among the trees, work out at the gym, meditate by listening to a recording of nature sounds while focusing on slow breathing, do something creative like writing or drawing, check in with a friend, and when I’m really fortunate, I get to laugh with a friend. I find that scheduling breaks in my calendar reminds me to actually take them.
Reduce exposure to the news. It’s important to stay informed about what’s happening in the world, but I realized there’s no benefit to anyone if I watch the news in my every free moment. In fact, overdoing the news led to where I was, doubled over in pain, which left me virtually useless to help anyone. So, I try to limit myself to reading the news for about 30 minutes in the morning and then watching about sixty to ninety minutes of news in the evening, as it seems that after that, it’s just the same news repeated again and again. And I’m secure in knowing that, if something big happens, my friends will contact me or send me a text.
Find ways to be part of the solution by helping others. Rather than becoming paralyzed and stressed by the news. One way to be part of the solution is to practice kindness, compassion, and generosity. It costs nothing to be kind to everyone I meet ,and I usually end up feeling great afterward, as often the kindness is reflected back to me by the other person. And it just feels good to be kind. Also, I truly believe that we can’t feel passion without compassion. So, I try to do things for other people on my own time, outside of my work. I also donate to various causes that I feel good about. There are tremendous benefits for our own well-being when we’re kind, compassionate, and generous. One big benefit is that of reducing stress. Our kindness makes a difference in putting a dent in the suffering in the world, and it grows geometrically. We become part of the solution to some of the problems that had been stressing us. Check out my blog, Compassion Can Be the Light on Our Path to Passion and Purpose.
Stop overcommitting and overworking. While healing, I’m cutting back a bit on my workload to get to treatment appointments for my back, to decrease the stress, and to have some time to be creative in putting together new ways to follow my passion. When I’m doing something that I feel passionate about, it makes me feel joyful and optimistic. And I have seen for myself that it’s not possible for me to feel stressed out when I’m feeling joyful and optimistic. If you keep up with my blogs or have read my book, The Passionate Life: Creating Vitality & Joy at Any Age, then you know that living with passion is critical to our health and well-being. Also, during this time of slightly less work, I’m creating a new direction in my passionate path. Stay tuned!
The Importance of Self – Compassion to Interrupt the Stress and Pain Loop
Of course, none of the ways of healing I’ve mentioned would be possible without self-compassion. In order to be able to take those breaks during my workday, cut back a bit on my workload, or reduce consuming the news, I need to give myself permission to do so. I tend to be quite a tough taskmaster for myself, often not giving myself the space to consistently do the things I recommend for others. “Healer, heal thyself,” as is often said. It actually takes a conscious effort to have the type of compassion for myself that I often have for others, a struggle for natural caregivers. But, as the self-compassion researcher, Dr. Kristin Neff, wrote in her book, The Mindfulness Self-Compassion Workbook, “The more open-hearted we are to ourselves, the more we have available to give others. Self-compassion is really the foundation for being a compassionate presence with others.”
I now remind myself daily that it doesn’t help anyone if I allow the stress of the world to make me sick or create pain. If I’m down for the count with an illness or in pain, I’m unable to have the energy or focus to help others or to be part of the solution. I’m getting better at remembering this and putting it into practice. Some days, I’m better at it, than other days. I’m a work in progress….but aren’t we all?
You can read similar blogs by Dr. Mara at her website, where you can also listen to her internet radio show, now also on Apple Podcasts. Check out Dr. Mara’s internationally best-selling book, The Passionate Life: Creating Vitality & Joy at Any Age, now available on Audible in addition to digital and paperback. And be sure to follow her on Facebook for all the latest news!
