Image © M. Karpel, 2024
“Wisdom comes with winters.” ~ Oscar Wilde
Note: You can also read Dr. Mara’s blog on Medium.
This has been a particularly rough few months and a rough year for many of us. Stresses in our own lives have combined with heightening tensions in the world. The uncertainty of what lies ahead hangs over our heads more than ever. This time of year, with the pressure to celebrate, seems to amplify any painful emotions, especially if we are missing those whom we’ve lost or have become estranged.
So, how do we get to the point where we can find peace within and resilience in spite of the outer storms of chaos, the anxiety, and the worry about our own lives and in the lives of friends, family, colleagues – and even strangers?
Letting go of compassion is certainly not the answer. Quite the opposite. We need to be generous with our care and compassion more than ever.
Nothing is Ever Guaranteed
For one thing, we need to remember that the future is never guaranteed and has never been guaranteed, no matter what. That’s not a negative…nor is it a positive. It’s just a neutral, even if uncomfortable, fact of life. We always have unexpected obstacles along our path, even when things appear to be going along well for us. Some of those obstacles can be larger than others. For example, we certainly didn’t see Covid coming five years ago, nor did we expect it to be as enormous of a phenomenon as it was, even after it had begun.
We never actually know what’s coming. We can choose to, as the saying goes, “borrow worry” by stressing about a future that may or may not come true. However, we need to understand that worry won’t protect us from anything. In the same vein, the future may involve opportunities that we haven’t expected. There’s just as much of a chance for positive circumstances as there are for challenges. We get to decide where to put our focus by choosing optimism over worry and fear.
The human brain is hard-wired for survival, and our instinct is to focus much more on the challenges in front of us and the negative possibilities that may or may not occur. Because of this, we often overlook the positive opportunities. After all, the challenges are what we have to find ways to live through. If we can remind ourselves that the future isn’t “bleak,” it’s just unknown, perhaps we can let go of some of the worry and anxiety. Be in the here and now.
Gratitude Creates Resilience When We’re Feeling Emotional Pain
Gratitude is one of the most powerful practices to help us to remain resilient in the context of a stressful situation. When things are going well, gratitude helps us to notice the positives in our lives and to not take them for granted. Admittedly, it’s quite difficult to feel gratitude when we’re distressed, sad, angry, or worried. First, we need to acknowledge and make room for all of our feelings, even the most uncomfortable ones. Then we can shift to looking for even small things to feel grateful for – the birds in the trees, the sunshine, a flower in bloom. I wrote a short blog about during the height of a global pandemic, about making the shift to gratitude when we’re dealing with emotional pain, Gratitude in the Midst of So Much Pain.
Take Action with Compassion
Compassion is powerful for our own wellbeing. The quickest way out of our own depths of despair is to help someone else. I wrote about the power of compassion to increase the light in our lives and to create vitality and joy, even in the hardest of times, in the blog, Compassion Can Be the Light on Our Path of Purpose and Passion.
As I recently wrote in the Foreword for the book, Being Brave: #Celebrating1mWomen and Their Courage, the ancient Talmud teaches us that we each have the responsibility to make the world a better place: “The work is plentiful…It is not your duty to finish the work, but neither are you at liberty to neglect it.”
Sometimes, we are paralyzed by the enormity of the situation before us and by the amount of people who need help, leading us to feel inadequate as one person to be part of the change. But, remember that by bringing our compassion to the community right in front of us, the positive repercussions ripple outward. If we think globally, and act locally, we will in fact impact many of whom we might never cross paths.
As author and speaker (and frequent guest on my podcast), Terry Hershey, wrote ““When we see only the ‘bigger world’ we tend to focus only (and see only) the muddled and topsy-turvy and crazy and chaotic and hopeless, first and foremost….Seeing and engaging with the world right in front of me — doesn’t deny pain or cruelty or injustice. What it does do, is to remind me that there is a world (right in front of me) where I can bring myself, to choose, and to give, and to try, and to care, regardless of the outcome….And when I stop… in order to see the world right in front of me, I realize that it doesn’t matter what I expect from life, but what life expects from me.”
Pick one or two ways that you can use your gifts to bring light into this world that needs your light right now. Be even a small part of the solution, knowing that you can’t do it all.
Look around, Who can you help? Is there a particular group that you are especially drawn to? What gifts do you have that you can use to help others? Can you get involved in some way politically? Sending letters or even just donating for a cause? We can only do what we can do. Know that whatever small thing that you do, it will have a ripple effect.
Take time to take care of yourself first.
What can you do to bring light into your own life?
We often feel guilty for feeling joy when others are suffering. But, when we fill up with light, we have more light to share. Back in May 2022, I wrote several tips for Preventing the Spiral Down of Depression During These Difficult Times: Some Things That Help Me When I Feel a Dark Cloud Over My Head. It seems that now would be a good time to remind ourselves of these tips.
And, finally, use what you learn from your own challenges to help others. Our own pain does not have to be in vain. Once we’ve overcome obstacles, we are now experts in knowing the dos and don’ts to climbing these hills. We can use that expertise to help others to learn from our experiences. Imagine how good that would feel to turn our hardest times into something that will help other people. After all, in the words of Ram Dass, “We are all just walking each other home.”
You can read similar blogs by Dr. Mara and listen to her internet radio show. Now also on Apple Podcasts. Check out Dr. Mara’s internationally best-selling book, The Passionate Life: Creating Vitality & Joy at Any Age, now available on Audible! And be sure to follow her on Facebook!
