“One person caring about another represents life’s greatest value.” ~Anonymous
** Note: You can also read Dr. Mara’s blog on Medium.
Advocating for my mom during her last years planted the seed for a renewed passion to serve the ageing population, and in particular, the disservice individuals are experiencing in the ageist healthcare and long-term care system.
Recently, I had the honor to tell my mom’s story for the 3-part documentary series, No Country for Old People, which just became available on Prime as of August 1. The film was produced by the actress and filmmaker, Susie Singer Carter, in partnership with Rick Mountcastle, the former Assistant Attorney General at the Office of the Virginia Attorney General, who Peter Sarsgaard portrayed in the film, Dopestick.
No Country for Old People is a very important and thought-provoking film, documenting the poor care of our elders in our ageist and profit-driven healthcare and long-term care systems. Susie was inspired to create this series after having her eyes opened by the treatment her mom received in what was supposed to be one of the best nursing homes in L.A. A lot of research went into the film about how common the experience actually is and the profit-driven reasons for the poor care of our elders.
I am deeply grateful that I got to add my mom’s story which appears in Episode 2 — at about the 27-minute mark. In it, I described how the hospital attending physician tried to pressure myself and my brother to put my mom into hospice, when she was not dying. She had a condition with potential for successful and non-invasive treatment, to remove the fluid from her lungs, with an increase of intravenous diuretic. My mom wanted to give it a try.
I stood my ground speaking up for my mom. In spite of being bullied and made to feel “crazy” by the doctor and his team, and despite the doctor’s manipulative attempt to divide my brother and me, I continued to advocate for my mom’s desire to live, something the doctor had never thought to confirm with her directly. Ultimately, we won by going around the attending physician to the cardiologist, and, after three weeks of a horrible hospital stay, my mom received the treatment she needed. Her lungs were clear within five days. She left the hospital and went on to live two more medically stable years, until almost her 95th birthday.
During those years, she enjoyed music, visited with family, had lunches out on the town, and went to the beach. Each day, we had one-hour Zoom sessions, where we would catch up, tell stories, and watch funny videos together. She was even making new friends in the nursing home she moved to from the hospital. I’m so grateful that we had those years with my mom. She was a light in our lives and in the lives of all with whom she came into contact. And now she’s immortalized in a film! (I hope she knows, somehow!)
I also had the opportunity to be an co-author in The Caregiver’s Advocate Vol 2: A Complete Guide to Support and Resources, which launches on Amazon on August 19 in softcover and e-book versions. The Kindle version will cost only $1.99. In my chapter, “Empower Yourself in an Ageist Healthcare System: How to More Effectively Advocate for Your Loved One,” I tell the story of my mom, once again and in a bit more detail. I provide tips on how to be more effective when facing the same profit-motivated, ageist practices that my mom and I battled, and which I later discovered are more common than I realized.
Additionally, I share how we advocated for my mom once she moved into the nursing home, so that she could enjoy life — despite being in a nursing home. It was challenging, even in what was considered a very “good” facility, but we were behind the scenes, constantly speaking up for her…and in this book, I will tell you how.
My chapter is also a peek into my upcoming solo-author book (my goal is 2026) about advocating for our elderly in our ageist, profit-motivated healthcare system. It also highlights my caregiver/advocacy coaching practice, Compassionate Caregiving Coach, launching this September, based on my 30+ years of experience working as a psychologist, with a specialty in working with older adults and caregivers, as well as my personal experience advocating for my mom.
Ultimately, my goal is to support caregivers who may feel overwhelmed and hopeless in their caregiving role for loved ones.
You can read similar blogs by Dr. Mara at her website, where you can also listen to her internet radio show, now also on Apple Podcasts. Check out Dr. Mara’s internationally best-selling book, The Passionate Life: Creating Vitality & Joy at Any Age, now available on Audible in addition to digital and paperback. And get the link to the new Caregiver’s Advocate book, when it’s available, as well as information about Dr. Mara’s caregiving/advocacy coaching — launching soon! And be sure to follow her on Facebook for all the latest news, including Dr. Mara’s upcoming interviews on multiple podcasts.
