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“As human beings, we all experience times of despair.
But if we can endure and overcome those difficult times, they can become an important source of nourishment for our own growth.”
~ Daiseku Ikeda, Japanese Buddhist Philosopher, author and poet
NOTE: You an also read Dr. Mara’s blog on Medium.
There sure is a lot going on in the world right now that can lead us to feel out of balance, angry, and/or fearful. Fighting on social media enhances these feelings by geometric proportions. On top of that, we have our personal battles that we’re fighting, whether we’re dealing with our own health issues, the healthcare crises or care of a loved one, finances, work stress, relationships, and any number of other issues that we might describe as life, or as the Buddha coined, sufferings of life.
Pasting over our pain with a smile or ignoring the pain of the world with flippant “sending light and love” doesn’t heal the suffering, but, rather, causes it to fester, grow, and become more toxic. In my blog, Toxic “Spirituality” and “Wellness”: When Sending “Love and Light” Becomes Part of the Problem, I described a movement within the “wellness community” to ignore the pain of the world and our own lives as a way to transcend them and how this is actually quite harmful. In the mental health world, we’re aware that covering over or running away from pain doesn’t heal the pain but only causes it to show up in unexpected, often startling, ways in our lives. Repressed emotional pain may later rear its head as insomnia, depression, anxiety, irritability, and difficulties in our relationships, or even as physical pain or more serious health concerns, such as heart disease.
As the saying goes, if you run from it, it will “come back to bite you on the butt,” or the equally prophetic, “You can run, but you cannot hide.” It can also cause us to create more suffering for others by blaming them for their situation, i.e., “They weren’t positive enough in their thinking.” A healthier approach would be to find ways to alleviate some of their suffering through compassionate action. Listening to someone describe their challenges without judgment, acknowledging their pain, letting them know you sincerely care, speaking with kindness, and asking if there is anything to do to help are some ways of showing compassion and helping to carry their burdens, thereby lightening the load. After all, the literal definition of compassion is “to suffer together.” Holding space with compassion for another can have tremendous healing effects.
The Buddhist psychologist Jack Kornfield describes the Middle Way as “To be in the world, but not of it….If we seek happiness purely through indulgence, we are not free. And if we fight against ourselves and the world, we are not free. It is the middle path that brings freedom.” This is advice that applies to everyone, no matter how aligned one might feel with Buddhism or any other spiritual path or philosophy. After all, many have called Buddha the first psychologist.
As I see it, focusing completely on our own inner peace and staying away from the realities of the world and of our life is the self-indulgence Kornfield describes. The middle way is the practice of staying present with these realities. Rather than running from the pain, we bring compassion to those who are suffering, including ourselves.
The Alchemy of Transforming Poison to Medicine
There is another Buddhist concept that I believe is beneficial. That is the concept of “changing poison into medicine” – transforming suffering into benefit and enlightenment. We can take a painful situation, investigate that pain and the situation that is causing it, and use what we have learned to create value in our own lives and the world. We have certainly seen that with groups, such as Mothers Against Drunk Drivers and other similar organizations that have turned deep personal tragedy into political action to create policies that help prevent others from facing similar tragedies.
A Personal Example
When my mom was hospitalized for a month, over 2 ½ years ago, I found myself having to fight the ageism of the medical world in order to give her a chance to keep on living. That time was extremely stressful and eye-opening. But, during the course of the next two years, when my mom continued to live a meaningful life, I was able to feel the joy that she had won and to appreciate every bit of time spent with her. That traumatic moment in our lives led me to discover that my mom’s experience of having a doctor ready to give up on her because of her age was not unique and that ageism is a more powerful driving force in the healthcare system than it has ever been.
Two years of advocating for my mom while she lived in a nursing home reignited my passion for advocating for seniors in this ageist society. Because of this conviction, I met and interviewed some incredibly passionate advocates for seniors who shared their advice for caregivers. For example, I have interviewed a geriatrician Dr. Michael Wasserman, Senior Advocate, Dr. Patricia Spindel, Elder Justice Expert, MT Connolly, and many other experts in the field. My personal, painful experiences have alchemized a new passion and purpose for me to help others be better advocates for their older loved ones.
With so many traumatic events occurring worldwide, we might make a difference by donating to organizations with causes we believe in, personally helping people who are suffering as a result of national or world events, and keeping our hearts open with compassion.
Self-care First
During the pandemic, I wrote about facing such suffering head-on and with steadiness in Riding the Storm and Walking Each Other Home. The conclusion I came to is the same one I have come to once again: in times of stress, the most powerful strategy is to go back to the basics. We really can’t be there for anyone else or have a positive impact on the world if we’re not taking care of ourselves. By spending time in meditation, getting into nature, laughing, being creative, or deepening and slowing our breath, we can experience a sense of peacefulness spreading through our bodies and the tightness of anger and stress melting away. We will then begin to have more space between our thoughts.
There has always been chaos in the world and, often, chaos in our lives, so it’s important to find peace in the moment. As the author John Mroz wrote, “Peace is not the absence of chaos or conflict, but rather finding yourself in the midst of that chaos and remaining calm in your heart.”
But it’s important that you don’t go to sleep. Please pay attention. The world needs us right now, and we can’t be here without being fully present to both the good and the bad. Ignoring the present often leads to delusion. Being hyperfocused on ourselves and not paying attention to each other or what’s happening in the world can lead to more suffering.
Taking the time to find our inner peace and bring ourselves fully into this moment by any of the methods I just described is a powerful practice. It helps us take action that is motivated by our compassion and our desire to alleviate some of the suffering we see in the world and of the people in our lives –– rather than run from our pain or the pain of others.
We can embrace this new-found, awakened attention, combine it with our inner peace of a mountain, and be part of the solution.
And we can ask ourselves my two favorite daily questions:
- “What can I do today to bring light into the world?
- What can I do today to bring light into my life?”
Sometimes, the answer is the same for both questions because compassionate action for others has the side-effect of boosting our own mood and even bringing about a feeling of purposeful living and passion.
As Ram Dass wrote, “We are all just walking each other home.”
And this is the magic formula for the alchemy of turning poison into medicine.
You can read similar blogs by Dr. Mara and listen to her internet radio show. Now also on Apple Podcasts. Check out Dr. Mara’s internationally best-selling book, The Passionate Life: Creating Vitality & Joy at Any Age, now available on Audible! And be sure to follow her on Facebook!
